it is currently 5:17 am. why am i awake? caffeine. wwhy was i stupid enough to drink caffeine? why was i a complete blind idiot and fell into a hole? because somehow it was all in God's plan. even though it was heartbreaking i learned my lesson. i feel refreshed,relieved,betrayed,confused,worried...i'm a hypocript and i'm a sinner too. but God he showed me mercy. therefore i must echo him and show mercy on others and forgive. but this human heart makes it so difficult. i am weak. i am naive. i fall so easily. i try to see the best in people even when they have no best. i am forgetful. i am all over the place. i am terrible and i guess... i deserved this. i saw it coming just... differently.i ought to seriously document what happens carefully because i forget and things get fuzzy. fuzzy wuzzy. my blanket is warm. i don't know how i am going to face it anymore. my up poster just fell.so now it is down. ): i cant sleep. when i close my eyes and drift off the same nightmare keeps occurring. such a horrid...disgusting dream. but i cant keep my eyes open all night and there are no mo tears. ha ha. lame.
"future caroline,
please be more wary of people. dont imagine the best of people or their worst. accept them as they are and be careful who you trust. be quick to think but slow to act and slow to anger. think really carefully before bursting in rage. stop loving the world. find comfort in Jesus for he gives EVERLASTING comfort."